These days I spend so much time worrying about where I am headed and how I am going to do all the things I’d like to do and some days what it is I even WANT to do, and it’s getting me nowhere to actually figuring it all out. In fact its stressing me out and its got to stop.
Today starts a year of not knowing and not trying to know. Of just being and letting everything else follow. Of trying new things, meeting new people, and then in a year, some travelling to places I have never been.
(photo the road to ragged mountain)
Monthly Archives: July 2008
Today I received in the mail the best suprise I have ever received ever in the mail! I received the most beautiful print from bubbo-tubbo that I posted about a few weeks ago. It was so beautifully packaged I didn’t even want to open it! However I did, very very carefully so as not to rip anything and I love it! I cant wait to get this up on my wall. Thankyou Natasha so very very much!
Well, not quite. But this week I have tried something new. Every morning I got up at 6am to write for nearly an hour before I had to get ready to start my other (paid) working day. I sat up in bed each morning, opened my laptop or my notebook and put words on the page one after another.
Some mornings I got further than others; some mornings the time seemed to drag on as I tried to squeeze the words out of my brain; on others the time seemed to pass in the space of an early-morning yawn and I was suddenly scrambling to get all the ideas, phrases and words onto the page before I ran down the hallway to have a shower.
A couple of the people I have told about my new routine have raised their eyebrows and said things like, “Wow, you’re dedicated” (read crazy). At the risk of sounding like a pretentious git, it’s not about dedication for me. This is what I want to do with my life; it’s an absolute compulsion. When I’m not writing and putting some type of story together I feel frustrated, even angry, and am no doubt rather unpleasant company.
Of course this compulsion to write does not mean I can avoid frustration altogether. I still struggle to write more than the synopsis of a story, or the first three paragraphs. The ideas are constant – there are stories happening around me all the time, all I need do is look – but following them through from the gruelling process from interesting thought to a story that is not entirely dull is a very difficult exercise for me. My biggest problem is stamina.
And so I’m forcing myself to write every day; to have a writing routine. Hopefully eventually my stamina – and of course the quality of my writing! – will improve.
Tonight I start my Masters in Writing at UTS. No doubt study and the ominous presence of assignment deadlines will do a great deal to improve both my motivation and stamina!
What keeps you motivated to follow a creative project through to completion?
Just a week until the deadline for the current Monthly Project!
Photo by sucka74.
I know I’ve been rabbiting on about observation a bit lately. I guess that’s partly because I went through a stage earlier this year of not feeling, seeing, hearing, smelling or tasting much at all. By which I mean that those messages were not really getting through to my brain from their various receptors. The messengers were milling about, vaguely nervous, outside my door. I was in a weird fog that I’m only really ready to talk about now because coming out of it was a quietly but very distinctly painful process to go through.
Happily, one of the side effects of suddenly feeling when I hadn’t for some months was that I felt everything very intensely: the positive as well as the negative. All of my senses were hyper-alert. And since that time I feel like I have been rediscovering all the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and textures in the world around me, as though I were a small child again.
I know I’ve written here before about how I envy children and their ability to interact with the world (I have a habit of repeating myself it seems…), but I am endlessly in awe of the way children view their environment. And so to feel like I am achieving an information-gathering process that is even remotely similar to that of a child makes me feel happy. I feel like I am stepping out into the world for the first time.
Some things my senses have liked recently:
- the sound of sand scattered over still water
- the smell of the early, chilly morning
- the taste of my Mum’s pumpkin soup recipe, lovingly prepared by yours truly
- the taste of spinach and fetta gosleme with lemon juice, bought at Leichardt markets on a Saturday morning
- the feel of pasta dough as it starts to become a stretchy, malleable ball in my flour-covered hands
- the sight of my new-found friend, Astro cat, bounding around my house with a mad energy
- the feel of the soft, frail skin under another person’s arms and under their eyes
- the feel of hot water running down my face and through my hair as I put my head under the shower head first thing in the morning
- the smell of real, fresh chai
There are, of course, plenty more but these are what I can think of off the top of my head. I just hope I can keep this awareness of my senses in tact!
Today I went to the Melbourne Design market which I have been really looking forward to all week, and as usual the level of talent was extremely high, so many clever, interesting designs. Unfortunately it is (understandably) always packed with so many people I find it so hard to get a really good look at EVERYTHING and hate thinking I may have missed some awesome stuff.
The best part of my day was had when I was walking home and stumbled upon this:
Someone has knitted a scarf/beanie/teacosy thing for a pole down one of Melbournes great laneways…! I would love to meet the person that did this! I love love LOVE when people do things that are good and fun, purely because they are good and fun and need to be done. I think there should be more of this going on in the world.
I’m off to snuggle up with a cup of tea and finish the weekend newspapers. What a great Sunday.